Dear BFFL,

(thats what we used to call it in our 6th grade year books right?)

I have a million things I want to say to you. Starting with I’m sorry.

I am so sorry that everything didn’t work out they way we always planned it too. From 3rd grade to sophomore year, we had dreams of soaking up the sun in Cali, playing soccer until our feet would bleed and dominating life together. Well here we are and not many of those things that we talked about, ended up happening. Who would have thought that at 20 years old, we wouldn’t be best friends anymore.

It makes me sad to think about at times. Especially when I have moments where I know only you could ever understand. I have never had a person change my perspective on things the way you did for me. You would turn anger into laughter, tears into songs and sadness into nostalgia. Always keeping me on my toes, there was always an adventure around the next corner when we were together.  There are times when I wish everything would have just turned out the way our 14 year old selfs envisioned it would.

I don’t know where exactly everything changed. I sometimes wonder if you do, because I can’t seem to pin point where exactly everything fell apart. The thing is nothing exactly happened between us; we just somehow drifted apart in a silent and peaceful way.

I believe we loved each other until the very end and I wonder why it seemed so painless. People change and I’ve experienced myself dramatically bloom. I know what it is like to loose control and let an entire part of you take control. But I am a planner. I have big dreams and a big heart that  loves to have a vision and thrives on staying on track. Maybe that’s why it scared me so much when you seemed to sky rocket off of the tracks. We became two different people and I think part of that was because while you were trying to create fireworks, all I envisioned was smoke.

I owe so many of my best memories to you. For most of my adolescence, I had a second sister who was always by my side. Nobody will ever stand up to bullies for me the way you used too. Always being the loud mouth to my quite demeanor. Always threatening to swing when I couldn’t keep my hands up. You had my back and I am so grateful for that.

Everything from Brownies to first concerts, we were by each others side. I still laugh when I think about us getting lost out in the ocean. Nobody posts random shit on my facebook wall or makes prank calls with me. None of my friends now, will even consider starting a punk rock band with me.

All of these memories are just for you and me. I think that is what makes me so confident that we will always have a friendship. Even though I missed you, I know it made sense for both of us to part ways at the time. We live different lives and chose different paths. I understand and I don’t. Maybe that’s just how life is.

The point of this letter is really to put out into the universe that I love you dearly and I hope things are going well for you. You are a special person with a unique perspective. I know things have been troublesome and that life hit you hard. I will never fully understand the spectrum of your difficulties, but I understand it enough to recognize that at times you let it bring you down. Always get back up because  you have the ability to create thrilling adventures and do amazing things.

Your life has more possibilities than you can ever realize. There are probably times when other people cause destruction on your livelihood or you might even do it to yourself. Those are the times I hope you’ll think of me telling you that everything will get better and to keep making plans.

I know that you are headed for a life that is unimaginably divine, because you are the girl who stands up to other people’s bullies.

I hope that I affected you in a positive way like you did for me. You made me stronger, spontaneities and cautious. You reminded me that someone always has my back and now I’m reminding you of the same thing. If you ever wake up wishing you could tell me something, then do it. Because you will always be the person I had my first camp-out with.

I Love you dearly, Good Luck my friend.

XO